In Miami , we do what we want , and we do n’t apologize for it . OK , sometimeswe have to apologize for it ( Hey , Jeffrey Loria ! ) . We ’re unlike any other place on earth , and we demonstrate that daily by doing things that are n’t socially acceptable anywhere else . Case in point :
Doing anything and everything in flip-flops
clean your house ? weary flip - flop . Going to a wedding ? bring in somerset - flops . Sitting on a electric chair ? Throw on those flip - bust . Is it 69 degrees alfresco ? That ’s fine , we have zero reason to wear boots here . Just verify they match the windbreaker you ’re belike wearing .
Wearing shorts in February
With pass - flop . Then we ’ll Instagram the whole tout ensemble , but only because it have our friends north of Boca Raton envious .
Wearing sunglasses in the rain
We actually endure shades everywhere here ( even indoors : we all recollect we ’re celebrities ) . But in the summertime , despite what ’s on TV , our weather goes from perfect , cheery solar day to full - on , hurricane - like torrential rains in a subject of second . There ’s literally not even enough metre for the sunlight to go away during a downpour .
Getting lost on a jet ski and becoming a viral sensation for it
See : DJ Khaled circa December 2015 , where he got fall back jet - skiing nursing home from Rick Ross ’ menage and turned to Snapchat world to detect out how to get home . Because , also only in Miami , do you 1 ) drive a small sea - bike from waterfront mansion to waterfront mansion , and 2 ) use Snapchat for directions instead of , you know , Maps .
Getting free Cuban coffee from strangers, just because
Timing is everything , and in Miami , so is Cuban coffee . stamping ground at your locality La Carreta or on Calle Ocho long enough , and if you ’re not drinking it , random strangers will likely just start handing it to you . It ’s tacky than water here .
Using Spanglish as a real language
If you have n’t learned by now , “ Spanglish ” is the unofficial terminology of Miami . you’re able to actually flip between English and Spanish in one time , and that ’s whole satisfactory . However , if you ’re not from Miami , you will be terribly disconcert .
Showing up to parties on yachts
Because who uses Uber , amiright ?
Using mangoes as a form of currency
Only in Miami , where the amount of illegal activity rivals the number of mango tree we consume annually , would someone take bartering to a newfangled level and use said mango as money . That ’s right – there’san ice cream shop in South Miamithat will actually give you ice ointment in central for mangoes . This is brilliant . And probably the only legal bartering you ’ll determine anywhere in the outstanding Miami area .
Jumping off bridges
in earnest , who has n’t take a leap off Snowden ’s bridge ? Not that we would ever commend such a criminally fun act !
Going bar- and food-hopping on a kayak
Only at a sand bar in Miami does the urban center bring the alcohol to you . Go to Haulover Beach on any Saturday or Sunday morning , dabble your kayak out to the sandbar , and drop your daylight partying . You ’ll have everything you need there , from food- and bar - boats selling homemade ceviche and beer , to your own personal john : the sea .
Showing up to things whenever we want
Be at work at 9 am ? Maybe . Brunch at 10 am ? See you at 10:45 . Dinner at 7 ? Well it ’s 6:45 and I just get to well-chosen 60 minutes sooo …
Riding bikes in public wearing a gold thong. And only a gold thong.
This may make out as a shock , but Miami has been home to celebrity that are not LeBron and Pitbull . Like the hombre who ride his bike down Brickell Ave and the Boardwalk EVERYDAY wearing nothing but a metallic Au thong . OK , I employ the terminus “ celebrity ” broadly speaking here , as he has no devotee , but rest assured : everyone bonk who he is .
Or walking down the street half-naked, in general
But then again , in Miami , we all are some translation of the golden - thonged man . Go to Publix or a eating house on South Beach , and you ’ll bump someone wandering around in a two-piece and chancletas . On the beach , old men in banana tree hillock . In Kendall , girls walkpata sucia . We ’re a city on a beach . We have zero shame .
Going to the Keys every weekend
Forty - five minutes to paradise ? I ’ll bring the Coronas .
Paddle-boarding to business meetings
Miami traffic suck in , so sometimes we need to take drastic quantity to get around . Like when there ’s a 90 % chance your work meeting is closer to the water than a route , and it spend a penny more sense to just paddle - board there and avoid street traffic altogether . Caveat : beware of racing yacht .
Dressing up in drag and skateboarding through fancy restaurants
Since the evolution of The Palace , South Beach ’s most popular drag ginmill , masses in pull walk – or singing and saltation – down Ocean Dr is no longer surprising . Walk a few blocks down , to fancy South of Fifth , and it ’s also not rare to see those same people skateboard through the Smith & Wollensky patio … while the great unwashed are eating there .
Eating the best Colombian food at 4:30am
Los Perros is a Miami basic . They ’re most known for their “ perros , ” which are fundamentally the Colombian version of a giant hot blackguard suffocate with cheese , piled with chili , chicken or potato chips , go past with Los Perros ’ “ surreptitious sauce , ” and border by “ salchipapas , ” or fries with Malva sylvestris and quail eggs in them . So yes , you want it , but only after a Nox out on the townsfolk . No one eats at Los Perros before midnight . No one .
Mixing a little dinner with a lot of celebrity-stalking
You go toPrime 112for the truffle lobster mac & cheese , yes , but also because there ’s a 99 % chance that you ’ll leave with one ( or seven ) Instagram - worthy picture of you posing with renown . This lieu is a goldmine for everyone from Shaq and Floyd Mayweather , to Timbaland , Queen Latifah , Kim Kardashian , and even Miami ’s classiest celebrities , like Alex Rodriguez . Wait …
Openly discussing any and all plastic surgery
We have outpatient centers here that are like drive - thrus for olfactory organ business , and girls and guy wire BOTH will get Botox as young as 16 . Equally annoying is the fact that these same people love telling us they get it … as if we could n’t already tell .
LIVin' it up
We all hateLIV . We really do . But we have to go at least once to say we did , and to be able-bodied to expend the phrase “ LIVin ' it up . ”
Walking along the beach at sunrise… to end the night
If you do n’t stay out ‘ til 8am , you should move away . You ’ve failed at Miami .
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Courtesy of LIV
Dan Gentile/Thrillist
Flickr/Saad Akhtar
Flickr/Lyndi & Jason
Flickr/Gadi Yosef
Prime 112
