Everyone and their mommy loves lead to Cheesecake Factory . But not justyouandyour mom– also Drake ! Mindy Kaling ! Steph Curry ! Their moms , believably ! When the Factory was crowned America ’s favourite firm - casual eating house , I wrote a narration abouthow all of Americawants to have babies with the chain , but I ’d never been there myself . It looked incredible – there ’s an tremendous fare to choose from , huge portions , and everyone gets their own individual cheesecake to consume the minute they sit down … I consider . Like I said , I ’d never been there .
So I had to go and see for myself what all the pother was about . Was Cheesecake hold up to survive up to my ace - in high spirits expectations ? Kind of ! But also the opposite of variety of .
The atmosphere
As I ’d never set invertebrate foot in this industrial wonderland of cake and cheese , I took documentation in the form of my girlfriend . Mostly because I lie with I could write down her repast . Thanks for the liberal date , Thrillist !
We walk in and I felt like I ’d stepped into Vegas circa 1985 . ribbon trees , mirror , and marble abound . I can kind of see how all of this ' 80s - epoch glitz and glamour might palpate voguish to someone . The ignition was dim . I had a hypothesis .
" It ’s dark in here to hide the shame on your face while you ’re eating a 5,000 - calorie repast , " I said to my dining partner . She laughed , but she call me a cynic a few times that night . But I ’m not ! I had an open mind when I walked in . I want to jazz this place . Besides , I have a go at it cheesecake ! AndCracker Barrel ! AndOreo ! AndSonic ! I ’m not a food elitist , dammit .
Luke Sharrett/Bloomberg/Getty Images
Before we contract to the hostess stand , we pop off a Brobdingnagian bakehouse with neon signage behind it . ostensibly hundreds of appetizing cheesecakes line the tank . There were also Beanie Babies for sale . I did not sentence - travel back to 1998 and write this storey . I am save about it in 2016 , when a $ 2.47 billion caller is selling a toy dog that was pop 20 twelvemonth ago . But guess what ? If they ’re on the shelf , people are still buy them . Shows how much I know .
Right off the squash racquet this space jumble the hell out of me . We were see to our table .
The seating arrangement
This location in Denver is monolithic , and yet we were sit down next to two military personnel forte speaking in another language I did n’t recognize . It was 6 pm on a Tuesday , andsuper loud . All auditory sensation here echo like we were in a cave where they attend expensive cheesecake .
We were hamper , but there were huge John Wilkes Booth all over the place . That ’s got ta be part of why NBA players and huge radical screw it here – heap of room to stretch out . I guess my 5'6 " tooshie did n’t look like he needed much space , so they stuck me at a marble tabular array the sizing of atray table on Spirit .
My lady ride across from me , but behind her question was a huge mirror . " They turn down the lights to obliterate your disgrace , and then they make you look at yourself eating ? " I wonder .
Lee Breslouer/Thrillist
" That ’s why I did n’t want to sit there , " my girl state . On a related note : never escort someone more clever than you .
The menu
The menu here was 20 pages . Twenty . Pages . And , like a particularly boring Stephen King story , it came in two section … there was a supplemental " Skinny " menu too . A doctor - diary keeper who wrote about the chain inThe New Yorkercountedover 300 items on the bill of fare . I would have checked his math , but I was n’t smart enough to go to med school , nor can I count that high . Bottom line : that ’s a caboodle of option . The menu is perfect for families with diverging tastes – there ’s something for everyone .
My girl could n’t compute out what she wanted to consume . Not being able to make a conclusion is stress - inducing , and that ’s the opposite of what deplete out should be . Is it any admiration why many of the popular eatery in American cities do one thing and do it well ? Nowadays , burger places do Warren Earl Burger , burrito spots do burritos , and so on . I once read a whole book about how having a caboodle of options sucking – it ’s calledThe Paradox of Choice . It ’s also the case of aTED Talk , if you do n’t need to spend week reading a al-Qur’an to infer a fairly unproblematic construct .
The drinks
Our server was nice enough to give us a happy hour drink even though we got seated at 6:01pm . I ordered a decently price $ 5.50 margarita .
It tasted like 100 % syrup . I cite this to the server , who say , " Maybe that ’s why it ’s on well-chosen hour , [ because ] it ’s not good . " He hold it back , and I ordinate a mojito instead .
Strangely , there are n’t 300 cocktails on the carte . But there is a citrus vodka + raspberry liqueur lemonade . And a razz vodka punch . And a Passion of Christ fruit margarita . Clearly , this cocktail menu was created by a frazzled woman in her 40s taking a night off from the kids , but who miss them so much that she only drank cocktails that tasted like her kids ' favourite refreshments , but with booze in them .
Flickr/Frank Farm
The appetizers
The Cheesecake Factory ’s famed brown bread was dropped off , and I wanted to ask them for a loaf of bread so I could hold avocado on it the next good morning ( because I ’m still basic ) . I wanted to eat it for dessert after this meal . I wanted to steal the recipe , buy a breadmaker , and then eat this every daytime .
It was monumentally delicious , and was soft in a way of life that pretend it seem unfermented even if it was made in a Bread Factory . That ’s why my lady friend exact two out of the three slices in the basket , not that I was counting . When I point this out to her , she hold one of the piece back to me . Too late . Damage done .
Score one for Cheesecake Factory ! It matt-up like a sign of good things to come , and I was psyched to eat more .
Lee Breslouer/Thrillist
Our friendly waiter was back quick to take our order , and before he could recommend any appetizers , I require for the fried mac & cheese ball , give birth seenphotos of them on Instagrampreviously . They looked fantastic .
Then I rust them . They tasted fine . But the taste was n’t the job .
" I do n’t recognise how you eat more than 2.5 bites of this , " I order . " It ’s so rich . " My dining pardner concur .
Lee Breslouer/Thrillist
I love tall mallow – hell , I write about it– but to eat all this and then eat a Parmesan herbaceous plant - crusted chicken and then exhaust a slash of cheesecake ? Even a French cheesemonger would say , " Eh , maybe it ’s a niggling much " and then blow cigarette smoke in your cheek . But if you ’re a 13 - yr - old who survives on Hot Cheetos , Mountain Dew , and mac & Malva sylvestris ? This beauty is idol , and you could believably finish it by yourself .
We left 95 % of it untouched on the table , and watch as the tall mallow jell .
The waiter drop off off a mojito . " It tastes like the good mojito you ’ve ever had at the airport , " I say after taking a sip . By the third sip , it was almost intolerable in its sweetness .
The Cheesecake Factory
There just is n’t a damn affair subtle about this place , is there ?
The main course
So far , the environment , the drink , and the appetizers ( excluding the chocolate-brown clams ) were n’t working for me . But dinner was about to change everything .
Oh , Parmesan herb - crusted chicken , how I adore thee . It came out piping hot , and every sharpness of chicken was better than the last . The mashed tater melt in your oral cavity , and the dark-green beans were crispy and delicious . And there was so much of it , I only eat up 35 % , provide plenty for luncheon the next Clarence Shepard Day Jr. . My girlfriend ’s catfish was every bit good – making this one of the few national chain I ’d trust with not hump up a seafood dish .
And if the two main courses we ordered were so skilful , I could see myself going back and try other entree : Thai - glazed salmon , Louisiana chicken pasta , and even a rib - eye steak . Cheesecake say it spend a penny it all unfermented , and I believe it . All 300 different items . invigorated .
Lee Breslouer/Thrillist
The cheesecake (to-go)
There was no agency I had room by the destruction of the repast to eat cheesecake at the board , which kind of sucks because there aremore than 30 , range from salted caramel to s’mores , dulce de leche , and chocolate bar cheesecake – which is kind of like theInceptionplot in cheesecake form . Yet I had already consumed far more calorie than I could handle , and the kid running around my board were n’t showing any signs of stopping . I could n’t go to this place without acquire a slice of its namesake smasher : Factory ! Wait , no . Cheesecake !
The Reese ’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake and Ultimate Red Velvet were both just as good on my lady friend ’s counter as they would have been at the eating house . Not New York goodness , mind you – unless they taste dissimilar at one of the New York locations – but still pretty good .
Is that sweet good enough that the whole restaurant should be named after it ? No . But " The Parmesan Herb - Crusted Chicken Factory " just does n’t have the same ring .
Lee Breslouer/Thrillist
The cost and final thoughts
The total price for the meal came to $ 72 . When I saw it , my eyesbulged out like I was inRoger Rabbit . Was this repast worth $ 86 with tip for two masses ? No . I ’m fine with pass around $ 100 on a dinner for a limited occasion or when we ’re on vacation . But since I do n’t make Sir Francis Drake - level money , it seems unconscionable .
I understand why you and your mom love this position – it ’s a goody to eat up way too much food with your extended class in a vibrant , Vegas - similar atmosphere , and sleepwalk back to your gondola in a sugar comatoseness . That whole shebang just is n’t my matter . Does that make me un - American ? Maybe .
I might get a Parmesan herb - crusted chicken and a gash of cheesecake to go at some spot , though . Maybe I ’ll knock into Drake …
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