Ever since man gained the ability to make food and then state people about enounce food , we ’ve divided our specie into two category : the “ foodie , ” and the “ eatie . ” And though nobody has ( probably ) died , a warfare is being waged between the two . A delicious war , but a war nonetheless .
A foodie is usually marked by their specific demand to deem themselves a “ foodie . ” This can manifest itself in a miscellany of forms , whether they be simple proclamations of lie with food , or copious picture that detail how much they love nutrient . The gastronome is the culinary equivalent of a crazed fun fan who keeps the fervor up even in the part of the off - time of year that does n’t postulate the draft . They ’re lightning quick to announce their idolization of the omnipotent food for thought , and all of the many ingredients need in it . They ’re also very prompt to judge non - epicurean and the practices that they imagine all non - gourmet follow .
Foodies never paint a realistic picture of non-foodies
To them , non - foodies are just chunk into one massive , riotous intellectual nourishment - gulp drove . ( poppycock that stochasticity ! Fast solid food is habitually delicious by design ! ) To them , the non - foodie may as well be experience out of a giant can of Vienna sausage . ( As if that would n’t be the most comfortable apartment ever . )
They regard the non - foodie as barely human , a grub - worm shaped masses of emotionless flesh who can never grasp the importance of an extra dah of a sure spice , or the added feel that ready core a sure direction render .
To foodies , all non - foodies be to destroy potentially groovy resourcefulness . Maybe that ’s why they Instagram so many pictures of food . They want a record of it when all of the food is lost , devoured by callous non - foodies in their violent quest for simple sustenance . “ think kangaroo cheese ? Oh , it was a farsighted clock time ago . way of life before you were born , little one . Kangaroo cheese was so good to put on sausage , before the non - epicure came along and turned all the blimp into fried high fructose corn syrup fritters , and then grow all those fritter into poop . ”
thais ramos varela/Stocksy
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Foodies fear you’re enjoying food the wrong way
If you find yourself invite to dinner by a gourmet , unless you are ready and willing to agree with everything they say and absorb every act of “ knowledge ” that they leak out , they will take on that they are doing you a favor . Every gastronome thinks that they ’re in some kind ofThe Blind Sidescenario with their non - foodie friend . Without the gourmet ’s help , those friends will go down the wrong itinerary in lifetime – or worse – the wrong gangway in the food market store .
At the very least , a foodie will assume that they are providing a strong light in the non - epicure ’s cold , inhuman macrocosm . They will meet up the non - foodie ’s abdomen with tastes that they have never before experient , and happiness that they ’d never dreamt of feeling . And then they ’ll send the non - foodie on their elbow room , while they feel a mix of pity and abhorrence . The non - gourmet would never dream of love food like the epicure does , but is just too stunned to commute , so the epicurean screw and hates them in equal measure – a contrast not unlike sous - vide poached Capricorn the Goat ’s tongue under home - fermented nattō .
The eatie, on the other hand, wants to eat
The eatie does have the power to discern what they desire to feed , which seems obvious but is a higher spirit level of thought than most gastronome give them credit entry for . The eatie can decide if food has go bad , or will credibly taste bad , and often makes judgment found on that criteria . Does it look old ? Will not eat . Does it look and smell like it will have a taste that the eatie does not in person delight ? Will not eat . The biggest thing that the foodie does n’t recognise about the eatie is that the eatie is not a sheltered simpleton who refuse to acknowledge the fine parts of life . The eatie can enjoy a not bad meal just as easily as the epicurean can . The bighearted difference is that the eatie may not secern anyone about it . But …
An eatie doesn’t always remain silent
If an eatie finds a restaurant that they like , they recommend the piazza to others rather than attempt to keep the swarm from distinguish it . But if a foodie did that , then they would n’t be able to complain about all the great eating house closing . An eatie ’s taste bud are not wear out down from greedy random objects in the name of feel nourishment . They work just as well as a foodie ’s . Sometimes , they solve even well , because …
An eatie allows food to happen
The eatie is not constrained by the preconceived notion of who they are . They do n’t feel the indigence to filter everything through the question , “ Is this beneficial enough for me , but more importantly , is this good enough for Insta ? ” They can delight thing as they are . Eaties will also cook their own food if they decide that they require to , which is another thing that foodies will deny ever happens .
An eatie does not postulate to turn into a one - somebody marketing section every meter they fudge or eat a dish . An eatie is not driven on a mission to impress themselves and others with their extensive knowledge of the right and incorrect ways to prepare food .
If an eatie is make something for you , they will propose you a drink and an starter , and , at most , narrate you how undecomposed the dinner will be , or how much they hope you savour it . Eaties interact with other eaties in a gift , positive way . They understand that when masses utilise food as a way to raise their position , those people become unbearable to be around . An eatie maintains relationships through the shared joy of eating , not the shared pleasure of imagine about how severe another person ’s eating habits are .
In short , be an eatie , not a foodie . talk about how great food is is never a tough thing , but as presently as you find yourself turning into a snoot with a smartphone , you ’ve gone too far .
Martí Sans/Stocksy
TV Land / The Jim Gaffigan Show
Cameron Whitman/Stocksy
Cameron Whitman/Stocksy
Mattia Pelizzari/Stocksy
German Parga/Stocksy