Every day on the internet feel like its own minor - scale competition to bethe most woke . You ’re either on the right side of history , or the incorrect one , with no gray country in between . If you defy to admit the existence of grammatical gender - neutral toilet , same - sex married couple , or Gaia , you are a dinosaur , a keepsake from America ’s old guard whose time will presently , mercifully , lead out . This is the unexampled normal , and it ’s not necessarily a bad thing . Get woke or get dead set .
Now conceive of a realism show on which a group of dissenter from all walkway of life compete to become the most " woke . " In which five judges who practice alternate life-style determine contestants ' ability to abandon their deep - seated impression systems and not only recognise , but accept , the ideas of those who exist on society ’s margins . The dissenter ' reward is not but a substantial immediate payment trophy , but the security of knowing they have transcended the close - mindedness of their stifling fostering .
You ’d probably receive such an idea green - lightable in the setting of modern American culture , yet the show I report above was not onNBC ’s Fall 2016 lineupbut already exists – and , in fact , predated the inclusively indignant internet acculturation I just sketch by nearly a decade . You ’ve never see of it because it was n’t marketed the manner I pitched it . While such a teaser would go over like gangbusters now , in the days before think pieces and trigger word of advice it was still fine to refer to people who were different from us as " monstrosity " without facing a societal - media boycott .
Mad Mad House|Michael Caulfield Archive/Getty Images/Oren Aks/Thrillist
The show in question was calledMad Mad House ; its one and only season aired on the Sci - Fi Channel ( now live as Syfy ) in 2004 . It was produced by the same team that brought you such downmarket precious stone asParadise HotelandForever Eden , in which sexy singles contend to be , uh , the sexiest singles . For reasons I can not quite fathom , it is currentlystreaming on Hulu .
A house of cards
The opening sequence ofMad Mad Housebegins with five people saying in unison , " WE ARE THE FIVE ALTS . " Who , just , are these " Alts " ? " A vampire . A hag . A hoodoo priestess . A natural scientist . [ And ] a modern primitive . " And what , exactly , have they done ? " We ’ve invited ten ordinary people to endure in our house . And experience … our man . We will take exception them , adjudicate them , and wipe out them one by one . Who will make bold to open their mind ? Who will impress us the most ? We ’ll reward the last guest remaining with $ 100,000 . "
While thing like " stock challenges " and " suspension system ritual " are designed to shock both watcher and competitors , they are present as modal happening in the lives of the Alts . Don the Vampire drinks his girl ’s blood line , extracting it from her veins with a syringe . Art the Modern Primitive has scars on his back from suspension rituals . These irregular hobbies , thus , can not be cynically rejected as fabrication from the show ’s producers ; they ’re heighten versions of the Alts ' genuine daily rituals . Sure , it ’s heavily - handed , and the Alts really play it up for the cameras , but doesn’teveryonewho do an alternative lifestyle play it up from time to time in some respect , in the presence of tv camera or not ?
Meet the mad, mad houseguests
As for the guest , they are , as one would conceive of , endlessly more basic than the Alts . Upon arrival , they be intimate nothing about their exotic host . Let ’s instruct about these poor souls , shall we ?
Nichole– a bubbly , affable regional sale manager .
Brent– in his fifth year at a Christian university . He " likes to read the Bible " and " believe in God . " " I wish everyone was a Christian , " he says . I wonder if his impression will be tested .
Bonnie– a middle - aged book editor program who diddle by the rules , but " just once , " she wants to do something " usurious ! " She ’s in the right lieu .
Eric– an " assistant sports federal agent , " whatever the fuck that is , and considers himself the sprightliness of the party . He appears , naturally , to be nothing more than your garden - diverseness drunk bro .
Loana– a cleaning lady who says her religious faith is " quite of import " to her and that she " read[s ] the Bible quite often . " How often do you have to take it ? I mean , it ’s just one book . And not even a particularly interesting one at that .
Syfy/YouTube
Noel– a straight - shooter : " I wanna win a crapload of money . I ’m not gon na lie . I ’m a janitor at a barbershop . That ’s not fun . "
Jamie– an exotic professional dancer contemplating retire because she just turned 31 . " Being an exotic dancer is being a people mortal , " she declares .
Kelly– a political candidate with a smile broad enough to hide a boatload of pain and who says she ’s " from the greatest urban center in the world … New York City ! ! And I actually exist in a convent . I ’m about as cautious as they come , hence , I work for the Republican Party . "
Hamin– a man who refers to himself as " a Panthera tigris " because he " rips it up " in the bedroom .
Tim– a knight rancher who key himself as " edumacated , " despite his accent . His bloated countenance is redder than a detent ’s dick .
This scold house
As the Alts rule , dissident are extinguish over 10 sequence until only one remains , their dedication to personal transformation and tolerance - construction wonder all the while . Refusing to take part in Ta’Shia ’s voodoo ritual ceremonial occasion ? Unacceptable . get Avocado the Naturalist ’s ( yes , that is really his name ) relentless insistence on nakedness give you the heebie - jeebies ? Chill out , homophobe . This is not a reality show aboutmoney . It ’s aboutexpanding your thinker . The someone who exposit their mind the most just so happens to gain $ 100,000 .
If you are n’t reform-minded or loose - given enough , you are , in a genuine sense , voted out of the house , told by the Alts to " impart instantly . " It ’s as if they ’re on a realism show about competing in a planetary house in which their master of ceremonies are the internet . If you ’re too , like , uptightto encounter beaut in , and accept , someone else ’s opinion system , get the piece of tail out . crazy Mad Housecould very well be calledAlly Island .
Mad Mad House ’s beingness as a cultural artifact cue us of how much things have alter in 12 years – that ’s less than a generation . Who among us now does n’t screw a witch ? Or someone who , like the Modern Primitive , has riddled their body with tattoo and ballyhoo ? The Alts , then seen as freaks , now walk among the convention . Soon there will be Capital One advertizing right away targeted at the natural scientist demographic ( although there ’s nothing in their notecase , as they do n’t wear clothes or carry wallets , but that ’s what rebranding is for ) .
Yet materialistic kinsfolk scared of the unidentified still exist . Otherwise Donald Trump would n’t have become a executable presidential candidate . If everyone were given the chance to germinate for money , if they were force to acquire up or close up , perhaps America ’s time to come would feel slightly less dystopian . If only the whole land could visit theMad Mad House . The likeliness of the show getting nibble up for a 2nd season , however , is about as improbable as Trump apologise to Mexican immigrants .
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