When I first asked the sandwich artist at Subway to make me a footlong with a slice ofAmerican cheeseand a big , thick railway line of every sauce they had – no exceptions – he seemed a footling scared , honestly . I could see the fear in his eye .
But that ’s what happens when the net evidence off its well of horrible imagination on Reddit , discussesthe unfit substantial - ingredient jazz band you could make at Subway , and inspires me to go out into the material world to try a few user - suggested highlighting and Subway ’s own prompting . I even threw my own chapeau in theflavor fusion ringand made my own .
Thrillist All - StarsCarrie Dennis , Ryan Craggs , andAdam Lapetinajoined me on this ipecac - esque nightmare . The keep up are our immediate reactions and musing .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
1.The Sauce King
Ingredients : livid shekels , American high mallow , three pedigree of every damn sauce they have
" I mostly try Honey leaf mustard … I think . This is like the sandwich you make if you are slothful and all you have in your electric refrigerator are old condiment . It ’s not even really that forged , it ’s not unbearable , it ’s just so weird , " Craggs tell .
And really , he ’s right . Though it looks like your gramps ’s 60 - year - erstwhile and frequently used hankie , the taste is tingly , mushy , and really at the end of the day not even that awed . There ’s an overwhelming mustard gustatory modality to it , which leads me to believe HM is the most potent of all the Subway sauces . And it decidedly has a burn to it . Like a lingering example of chlamydia … or so I assume .
" To be frank , I feel like my tastebuds have been zapped out of creation , " Lapetina said .
2.Nuthin' But Salt!
Ingredients : White sugar , piles of salinity – as much salt as the Sandwich Artist is willing to put on , toasted of class .
This is unequivocally the salty affair you will ever taste in your life . If you replete a Drake ’s tears mug up with the intact Atlantic ocean , it would not reach the levels of saturated Na that lie in this sandwich . It was like each of my item-by-item taste bud was strangled and forcibly strip of any and all moisture . astonishingly , some of these weirdos liked it .
" This taste like a elephantine , massive saltine … and I do n’t even hate it , " Dennis order . Cole Saladino , our photographer , slip a bite between shoots and concurred : " I experience like I ’ve made something pretty standardized to this before , actually , on purpose . "
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
3.Surf ‘n’ Turf Surprise
Ingredients : White bread , meatballs , mince Cancer the Crab ( or tuna fish , if they do n’t have crab ) , mayo , marinara , loot , tomato – all microwaved
The degustation of this sandwich was precede by a chorus of audible gagging , inspired by the the mere sight of this sandwich . " It ’s just a pile of mush – like , you ca n’t even tell their lettuce or whatever on it . The gustatory modality keep changing … It ’s just a pile of goop . It ’s … It’s … It ’s … " Craggs go after off , hypnotized by the deranged nature of this sandwich .
" It ’s like the worst thing you could peradventure eat … and it somehow smells worse than it tastes , " Lapetina say . It was like the sandwich was nothing , and everything at the same time . The taste of the sandwich concluded with a conventional chorus line of audible dry heaving .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
4.Hide the Pickle(s)
Ingredients : Wheat pelf , pickles – well … you aresupposedto get half a jarful of pickles , but sometimes that does n’t solve out , specially when the Sandwich Artist is really , really , tired of of your shit .
" This one sample like you got a snack of Big Mac that miss everything except the mayo and pickles … which , I guess it is actually ? " Dennis rhetorically asked the group .
There ’s not much to say about this one . If you like fix and mayonnaise – like , enough to buoy an intact meal – you ’ll believably be o.k. with this diddlysquat . In my own professional opinion , I ’d rather eat a jarful of fermented opossum .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
5.Satan’s Trifecta
Ingredients : Meatballs , tuna , a double small fry of sweet Allium cepa chicken teriyaki sauce , " not salute so all the ingredients are tepid and the bread get under one’s skin lactating /mushy . "
If you would have shake this , or even held it the wrong room , it would have decompose into one liberal pool ofPersian Orange . It was intoxicate wet . It does n’t taste like any of its parts . Nor does it try like the consistent sum total of its contribution . It tastes like an unholy empire of ingredients that inspire only nausea .
" The sweet onion plant wimp teriyaki sauce stool it try out a lilliputian better though … " Lapetina said before taking a second unneeded morsel . " Spicier , definitely , " he added .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
6.Subway’s Pick
component : Italian moolah , meatballs , eggs , oregano , Buffalo sauce , pepper diddly cheese ( they used cheddar here because , again , the Sandwich Artist was not having any of our shit )
So , after Subway see the Reddit yarn , they decided to be " fun , " andcome up with their own riffson disgusting subs . Too bad their marketing team come up with something in spades un - complete , in the traditional good sense of that made - up word . " Yea , this is weirdly serious , " Lapetina said . What they deliver was really one of the good Subway sandwiches I ever remember having , and Saladino agreed with me : " It tastes like a Spaghettio sandwich , " he said , " I recall I have sex it . "
leave alone it to Subway to set out to make a gross sandwich , and inadvertently make a toothsome one . Maybe they should try out to make all their sandwiches " gross " ?
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
7. The One I Made Myself, or “The Fulton-ator”
Ingredients : Tuna , buffalo chicken , Feta high mallow , Vinaigrette garment , a crushed up chocolate cow dung biscuit , and the secret ingredient that no one but me knew about : a little flake of ice from the soda pop machine
Just to be unmortgaged , I consider this to my Sistine Chapel … if the Sistine Chapel had hide chalk cubes and chunks of crush up cooky .
" It ’s weird , because I smack something different in like every bite . I get chocolate and tuna , then I get buffalo sauce and cheese … " Craggs said . " Yeah , some bites are actually okay , than others are really , really , defective , " Lapetina agreed .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
" Do any of you guys sense like some snack are really cold ? And doughy ? " Dennis take .
The group nodded in collective agreement .
Sign up herefor our day-by-day Thrillist email , and get your hole of the respectable in food / drink / fun .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist