As determined by a highly unscientific poll , the average duration of a relationship in New York for a 20 - something is somewhere between two and a one-half Tinder date to a year . Still , this is enough clip in New York second to cover just about every emotion in an grownup relationship steamrolling into a sad and cumbersome dissolution phase . hoard through entirely immanent personal anecdotes , we ’ve amassed simultaneous timeline of a new undivided couple follow a dissolution in the city .
1 week: Tinder, margaritas, and tallboys
DumperYou sigh a lamentable sense of substitute – fracture up with someone is never easy . But matter were weird for a while anyways , right ? You wait about a calendar week before ( re)downloading every dating app known to mankind . You include the red sword lily fact “ late individual ” in your Tinder bio . You start rack up up your friends again , who all sleep together what ’s going on here . After a noticeable deficiency of a third consistency in the flat , your Craigslist roomy , whom you speak to mayhap twice a week , asks you to take hold of an obligatory crapulence to stave in off the close at hand sad . confound by this social gesture , you oblige , and fall out him to theTurkey ’s Nest . You choose for the prominent margarita , stay for a crusty anecdote from an older gentleman lose a front tooth , and impart alone , styrofoam cup in hired hand . You model on a bench in McCarren Park in the night .
DumpeeOh God , you ’re still crying . You stick out your aloneness with a few 24oz - ers of icky beer from your bodega while trying to avoid eye inter-group communication with the guy cable behind the counter , who ’s quite take aback that you stiffed him because you ’ve known each other for long time at this distributor point . You lie dormant in bed indefinitely while crying silently because your roomie can hear through the rampart , and , frankly , your room is too contaminating to permit anyone else in it right now .
1 month: irrational flirtstorm & endless Seamless
DumperYou realize that being undivided rules , and flirt during every human fundamental interaction available –Variety ? You know it . nauseate local office billet ? Why not ! Thesubway ? It ’s got ta come about sometime , right ? ! – and start swiping right on every soul with a brass ( you never knew that there were so many single people within a five - mile radius . ) You mostly fail at this since your game suck after being in a relationship for longer than you ab initio intended – New York time is somehow faster than time anywhere else , and you got ta make up for what ’s been lost .
Dumpee“No really , I ’m fine , ” you proclaim . Sadly , nobody believes you . You endeavor to make it through the sidereal day without finding a doppelgänger of your ex on the subway . You ’re still refuse happy hour offers from your acquaintance . Your excuse is a " networking thing , " which is codification for spending $ 40 on Seamless for one while binge - watching realness TV . You find yourself using your ex ’s bad habit to fill weird comfort break , like smoking or listen to a stack of pop - punk .
3 months: picking up new “hobbies”
DumperYou’ve been going to a mickle of Bushwick warehouse party of late , reach out with a minimum of three unknown every nighttime out . You consider a tattoo or shaving one side of your head . You recognise you ’ve come to stone bottom on Tinder when you ultimately reach the dead end page reading , “ There is no one newfangled around you , ” which you know is a lie because there are zillion of people in this city . Right ?
DumpeeYou’ve started writing honest funniness and/or poetry and take it to open mic nights atStand Up NY(because no one you know is patronize the Upper West Side for fun ) and/or the verse shot Nox atNuyorican Poets Cafe(where everyone is way better than you and manner more emphatic , preaching about tangible blight ) . The abreaction of in public let in the number of time you ’ve texted your ex since the detachment and/or picking asunder your ex in lyric - form on leg in front of anywhere between two and 27 people is real and helpful . You are now plume up with the other broken comedians and/or poet .
4 months, 1am: the inevitable run-in
DumperYou’re on a helluva bender , but have been enjoying the perquisite of being a single New Yorker . One Saturday night , you ’re out atPearl’s(because you ’re soooo Jefftown now ) . You hit the ginmill for another potable and detect your ex leaning on the other side . How did you miss their incoming ? The place is a shoebox . You get laid the emotions flood your brain are the alcohol , but still . Shit . You become perturbed and dart your eyes around the elbow room when they catch you asterisk at them .
DumpeeOh , shit . Oh , Jesus . Is that your ex at the remainder of the legal profession ? Are n’t there like , a million other ginmill they could be at ? No , of course it ’s this one . You try your hardest to act natural but instead your body proffer a comically overdone perplexed wave / shrug and before you know it , you ’re walking over to the other side of the bar against your will .
4 months, 1:04am: bargaining and losing with yourself
DumperWell , that was ill at ease , but you have to admit it was nice image them , though . You ’re glad for how well they seem to be doing , but also slenderly resentful that they might in reality be better without you . You drink more to remind yourself that you are clearly , emphatically make headway at felicity . At the very least , you ’re making more money at your marketing fizgig than they are freelance for that tech blog .
DumpeeAfter talking loudly about all your new hobby and accomplishment you ’ve made in the last four month , you abruptly terminate the conversation and excuse yourself , as to not appear weak . You rapid - fire order several round of well whisky shots and entrust . After the ginmill , you skittishly eat on a hurriedly made bodega sandwich in care of your ex sour up at any moment . When you ’re in the end home , after abbreviated unhurriedness , you text them , necessitate to come over .
4 months, 4:30am: the aftermath
DumperYou react in genial , remembering everything you like about the other mortal . For a fleeting moment , you consider that going over there might be a bad mind , but finally 4:30am - you tell apart logical - you to shut up . More specifically , you ’re thinking about how long it ’s been since you actually got laid . You experience nostalgic about the 45 - minute , two- or three - transfer ( count on the maintenance schedule ) commute to your ex ’s home that you would take so often , but choose for an Uber instead .
DumpeeYou frantically shove all of your muddied laundry under your bed and take out the trash for the first clock time in weeks , empty a nursing bottle of Febreze on your sheet , and chop-chop Google their route for an ETA from Williamsburg to Astoria .
4 months, 5 days: the backslide
DumperThe one dark stand with your x has conduct to you spending the next near - calendar week together . You flow back into old routines of gather up for drinks in the city after you ’re off work and going home together . It ’s like a whole new relationship , you think . thing will be different this prison term !
DumpeeYou’re back in the honeymoon phase , and it ’s great . Over drink atOtto ’s Shrunken Headwith your once - again partner – because Tiki used to be “ your thing ” – you begin to dissect what you werereallyfeeling in your metre aside , but reveal absolutely nothing about the comedians and poets and the other people you pick up atMatchless ' two - for - Tuesday .
4 months, 2 weeks: the veil is lifted
DumperYou find yourself picking competitiveness over petty things . Choosing arestaurantbecomes a two - minute , full - blown assault on the other ’s personality flaws . You ’re experiencing major deja vu ; is n’t this why you bankrupt up in the first place ?
DumpeeOK , so peradventure you ’ve been putting this person on a pedestal for the last few months . They kind of suck . You thought you ’d feel well if you got back together ?
4 months, 2.5 weeks: the breakup pt. 2
DumperRealize this was all a error .
DumpeeRealize you just run off several calendar week of your life history . You end it on mutual terms and promise to remain acquaintance , aka : awkwardly avoid each other in all social situations for days to come because adults are bad at being adults , and this metropolis is right smart smaller than you ever give care to intromit . You swan off North Brooklyn for a while because there ’s so much more to animation than function intoJames Murphyin Greenpoint every now and then .
1.5 years: the inevitable and unsubstantiated sighting after stasis
DumperYou lastly master Tinder and it has pay off – if this were your NYU bookman loans , they ’d oweyoumoney . It ’s your third time atVbarthis workweek , and the bartenders are brainstorming soubriquet for you that reference the fact that you ’re with a new individual you clearly met from the Internet each time . In the middle of not listening to the individual you ’re presently on a date with , you glance aimlessly out the windowpane .
DumpeeYou’re walk and eating a slice of pizza pie on 1st Ave , heading back to the L train after your improv class atUCB East(because you fancy out you were n’t so bad at the funniness affair ) . You ’re laughing to yourself about one of your classmate ’s bit , when … holy shit , is that your ex in the window of VBar ? Yes , and you definitely just made brief eye contact , but you crusade on to make the St. Marks crosswalk light , suppress the skittish tightness in your thorax and the redness in your cheeks in an attempt to not freak out . You ’ll get over it a week later , but will separate this story for year to come , never realizing that they did n’t even see you through the window .
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Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Leanne Butkovicis a cities editor at Thrillist who would wish to stop running into James Murphy in public , please . She would also care to give thanks her friends for reliving their traumatic experiences for the sake of " journalism . " Tell her how she draw it all wrong on Twitter@leanbutk .
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
