Because we both minored in sociology , Carrie and I have develop a foolproof , 100 % exact way to establish what type of Book of Job you have establish on your wine-colored preferences . If you pass off to be in a different job than the one listed below your favorite wine-coloured , we suggest immediately change jobs . Behold :
Chardonnay
Ever since you go to that Burmese restaurant with your friend Paula , you ’ve been describing yourself as a " epicure " on Facebook , and in conversation with the free - sampling people at upscale supermarkets . You ’re a part - clip life coach , but full - prison term life lover .
Unoaked chardonnay
You ’re not like " most the great unwashed . " You endeavor to take the way " less traveled . " In fact , you have that verse form set up in your ( half ) bathroom . Also , you went wine tasting at a space that use unsullied steel barrels last week and just learned this full term . You ’re a semi - retired celebrity nutritionist .
Riesling
You know you love it because you had it that one time while studying abroad in Lyon . Because of your taste in sweaters , people put on you do n’t speak French , and they ’re right . You work in the corporal berth of a mountain range of for - earnings true cat shelters . Or as you think the French might call them , un refuge de chat .
Pouilly-Fumé
You used to encounter professional tennis , mostly motley doubles on corpse , but now you ’re a lawn tennis pro at a small club in Westchester . You married another tennis pro . Both of you have alarmingly tan forearm , and a trend to tell masses about knotty break points you faced in interior mixed doubles tournament . You address with a vaguely European accent even though you mature up in Missouri .
White Burgundy
Your folk owns an English horse - riding schooling . In New Jersey .
White zinfandel
You ’re a third - grade public school instructor living that single life sentence and bonk it while all your colleagues get hook up with and have child around you . You bring your own bottle of white zin , which you drink with two cube , to all their shower and Tinder in the corner . You love sunny day and puffy paint ikon bod for Friend . You keep telling yourself you ’re not bitter .
Pinot gris
You ’re a full - clock time mummy , but you do n’t let that define you , so when the Kyd are at schooltime you bring your laptop over to the Panera by the Buffalo Wild Wings with plans to work on your bildungsroman , but end up spend most of your time reading a evenfall 2012Redbooksomeone left in the privy .
Pinot grigio
You ’re a full - time momma , and you ’re kind of cool with letting that define you .
Boone’s Farm
You ’re an apprentice hair hairstylist at one of those malls that has n’t really turn " upscale " yet .
Beaujolais
You have one of those stores that sells Christmas - related knickknacks , the sort of storage that straight off make people who walk by to immediately necessitate each other how you wangle to stick in business . The answer is drug .
Red Burgundy
You ’re an decision maker at a very delicately regarded boarding school day in New England . I ’m not at familiarity to say which finely regarded school , but let ’s just say it has educated many of the most powerful people this Carry Nation has ever produced . Including presidents . Like , presidents of the United States . OK , okay it ’s Andover .
Boxed wine
You have a good task at a mid - layer bank , approving home mortgages . You understand literary novel and once set out a verse form published inPloughshares . You spend more sentence than you ’d manage to allow in having to distinguish people about the upsides of arrange wine-coloured in boxes .
Pinot noir
You take yourself to be more of a60 Minuteswoman , rather than reality telecasting , but you just ca n’t get enough ofThe Bachelor . You work in investor coition for a mid - sized financial house and take to detest wear heels but secretly like the way they make your sura look .
Rioja
You spend two years solve as an English instructor in Spain , and now you pronounce Spanish word with that lisp that is middling off - putt to an American ear . When you do n’t wassail Rioja , you pass a lot of meter taste other citizenry ’s sangria at restaurants and view as it " spurious " ( sans lisp ) .
Chianti
You work in public relations , but for educational software . Everyone at work says you do a near Anthony Hopkins impression , but you know in your heart of affectionateness it is only OK .
Merlot
You ’re either a hipster ( with a job guerrilla merchandising vegan blimp ) who recognized that the irrational hatred of merlot in the US after the movieSidewaysmakes it just the case of wine-colored you could smugly booze ironically , or post - ironically , because it actually is pretty bloody good . Or you ’re a conservative housewife in the Southwest with a husband who seems like he ’s been read Bill O’Reilly ’s bookKilling Lincolnbefore seam for the last six age .
Cabernet sauvignon
You run a private networking site that helps fertile whitened men in their 40s meet ample bloodless humankind in their 50s . You fuck an embarrassing number of phone line fromWolf of Wall Streetby tenderness .
Zinfandel
You have whatever problem Steve Carell ’s lady friend in40 - Year - Old Virginhad .
Champagne
You ’re a retired nurse who does n’t have occasion to drink much anymore these days , but will still enjoy a deoxyephedrine or two when the kid come home on those precious , rare holiday . Weddings though , are always an chance to exaggerate it .
Sauvignon blanc
You work in the corporal offices of a major department store , and reckon bringing a twofold nursing bottle to your coworker ’s potluck absolves you of any cooking responsibility . You used to be into Pinot grape grigio but now see it too canonical , even though you ca n’t actually sample the difference . You only ever fuddle a glass of white , even in beer bar . Anything else makes you much too bloaty .
Rosé
You ’re either a 20 - something female social medium coordinator who is comforted by the acquaintance of see rosé on a menu , or a 20 - something male certified public accountant who ’s just balding at the tip and relieve the wine-colored ’s recent popularity has made it OK , even cool , in your mind for you to like pink drinks . Either way you detest socks .
Malbec
Ever since you got back from the class you spent in Argentina you ’ve been really into big , bold reds and environmental advocacy . Though your commitment to the latter is only seen through Instagram regrams . You swirl your wine at group dinner the foresighted , and do n’t care much for wine pairings . You also might not have a job at all , but no one know for sure .
Shiraz
You have to let in , you mostly only drink shiraz because it ’s what the Trader Joe’s - brand box wine is , and you love all things Trader Joe ’s . You work at Whole Foods .
Sangiovese
Your family is Sicilian . Or Tuscan , you ’re not quite sure . But farm hoi polloi , definitely , which means you grew up drinking the blood of Jove … in Central Florida where your grandmother relocate the sept to from Poughkeepsie in the other ' 80s . You ’re a financial psychoanalyst … for now .
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Kevin Alexanderis Thrillist ’s national writer - at - large and like Oregon Pinot grape noir with those screwing ceiling . Please do not take after him at@KAlexander03 . It will only encourage him .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Carrie Dennisis a national food and drink editor and likes malbec , but only because it ’s comparatively easy to pronounce . charter her to guerrilla market your vegan meats:@CarrrieDennnis .
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Cole Saladino/Thrillist