From the get - go , Apple turned me into an outsider . Starting in 2001 , a fresh iPod was released almost every undivided year – the iPod Color , Mini , Nano , Shuffle , Touch . From twenty-four hour period one , we were trained to desire more storage , more color option , and drop more money . But at $ 300-$600 a pop , I never save up enough to grease one’s palms one and felt middling uncool , surrounded by a sea ofcreepy dance silhouettesliterally everywhere I went .

recollect the daysbeforeApple ’s frozen grip on us tightened to the point of frailty - corresponding ? I do . Look , nobody was thrilled aboutwaiting 45 second to download one strain on Napster , or extend around a 25 pound book of CDs , but that ’s just what you did back then . iTunes changed the style we incur euphony , but it was the iPod that hooked us into Apple ’s formidable rising slope cycle , and trained us to count down on our peers who eschewed it .

This was a specific eccentric of teenage angst I assumed would decline . It never did – which I learned the hard way of life after purchasing a perfectly in effect , affordableZunein 2010 . I might as well have undertake Hansen’s disease ; my friends still refer to the purchase as a knockout lapse in legal opinion , and assume I only bought the Zune as a misguided turn of nonconformance … I just liked it .

Man in melting apple store

Daniel Fishel/Thrillist

Now , I ’m a grown - ass adult , those days of iPod envy behind me . So why do I still feel like an inadequate piece of human garbage if I do n’t have the former , greatest iPhone to date ?

You’re publicly ridiculed if you fall behind Apple’s upgrade cycle

I have a go at it from personal experience that flashing an iPhone 5 in this 24-hour interval and age will get you a barrage of critique from even your closest friends . The minute you loose the seemingly subpar phone from your pocket , you could expect belly laugh from looker-on for what might as well be a flip phone . " Does Snapchat even work on that thing ? " Yes , bastard … yes it does .

The only thing worsened than have an old iPhone is not have an iPhone at all . Android phone are ruthlessly adjudicate as if they single - handedly caused World War II . " Ohh , you have anAAAAANDROID ? " make me wince every time I hear it , and I do n’t even own one . I think I ’m still reeling from the PTSD of my Zune whipping . Some Apple devotee are so ensconced in the Apple ecosystem , you might as well be add around a lop forefront if not the 6s .

The last two generations of iPhones have been severely underwhelming

Is each unexampled genesis of the iPhone really not bad enough , reallydifferentenough , to vindicate the rabid social pressure to raise ?

After brandishing my iPhone 5c masthead into a battle I would inevitably misplace , I was recently forced to upgrade when the barrage fire lead to shit . Apple ’s marketing catchword around the sextuplet is " The only affair that ’s changed is everything . " How , incisively , has my lifechanged with my new 6s ?

Do my textual matter send out any faster on a sise ? Does the screen shatter into fewer shards ? Does the battery last any longer ? Do I getthatmuch more worked up about the sharpness of a picture of an avocado I just take ? No , no , nope , and no .

F

The most meaningful change that occurred when I upgraded to the 6s is this : people no longer look at me with quizzical patronage when I pull out my headphone to check the weather .

So what do we have to look forward to?

There ’s little evidence that the iPhone 7 will be any more interesting or groundbreaking than the one before it . ( Except thatApple might remove the earpiece jack , and force you to purchase a new duet of Bluetooth headphones every two twelvemonth . Brilliant . ) It also might have wireless charging . Meanwhile , Cupertino competitors are arrange out legitimately swell , substantial phones like theSamsung Galaxy S7 . Which , no shit , is basically waterproof . It also stays charge for twice as long as the 6s . Oh yeah , and charge wirelessly .

The truth of the matter is , Apple has been go bad us . And people are in reality starting to take hold of on : iPhone gross revenue are down , and Apple recentlyannounced its sorry quarter in a decade . But without licit innovation , there ’s no legitimate need to upgrade . Why devolve hundreds of dollar and throw away a perfectly good phone that ’ll soon be trumped by a newer sound ? Or is it worth the money to avoid feeling like a social castaway just because my newer phone is n’t the new earphone ? Am I always catch in Apple ’s cyclic vortex of Scheol ? What is there to front ahead to ?

Oh , I know … give over $ 30 a month for the next 24 months , until I have paid off the Man and successfully own an " outdated " machine . And so it will go , on and on , until the twenty-four hours I die . Or , you know , throw to an Android , or something .

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