Every girl have it off to be squall wise . Hilarious is a good one too – and even pretty , when done in a non - creepy-crawly or catcalling kind of a way . But when a guy calls you " cool " – now , that’sthe full-grown compliment of them all .
But is it ?
The " Cool Girl " is who every charwoman aim to be – and whom every man aspire to bewith . This specific type of female was perfectly characterized in " that passage " of Gillian Flynn ’s novelGone young woman :
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" Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot , magnificent , funny woman who adores football , poker , dirty jest , and burping , who plays video games , drinks cheap beer , love threesomes and anal retentive sex , and jam blistering dog and hamburgers into her sassing like she ’s hosting the humankind ’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintain a size of it 2 , because Cool female child are above all spicy . blistering and understanding . Cool Girls never get angry ; they only smile in a chagrined , hump fashion and have their men do whatever they want … "
Cool Girl seems like the quintessential fan . Especially since society has an chemical attraction for pigeonholing most char as " crazy " ( aka excited , honest , and expressive ) . But here ’s the affair : Cool Girl does n’t actually exist . I should make out – I used to pretend to be her .
Being a cool girl meant being an easygoing doormat
I ’ve always been an innately easygoing spouse in my amorous relationship , which I still consider to be one of my estimable quality . I truly do n’t care whether we go out for sushi or Mexican , and I ’m A - okay with bae going to Vegas for the weekend . But it took some experience and ego - reflection to attain the difference between " easygoing " and " doormat " – and why , as a cleaning lady , having impression ( and voicing them ) in a human relationship does n’t make you crazy . It makes you human .
My first brokenheartedness was courtesy of a guy rope who dump me over Skype ( yes , earnestly ) while I was studying afield . " It ’s just because of space , " was his lame apology . " But you ’re thecoolestgirl I love , so I desire we can stay friends . " And even though I was too distressing and still too infatuated to be his buddy , I continued to answer his substance for months and helped him pick out a Mother ’s Day talent . Because above all , he thought I was " nerveless . " And a Cool Girl is always understanding ; she have sex how to compartmentalize her pesky emotions .
Then there was the hombre wholivedto tug my clit , just to see what it would take for me to snap . I eventually did – after a year of keeping quiet and disregard a multitude of selfish actions ( ditching my natal day party to go skydive and often saying he did n’t picture us long - terminal figure both come to mind ) . As he dumped me , I in conclusion burst into split . And he wasabsolutely appall . " I ’m sorry , " he stammered . " I do n’t know what to do because I ’ve never seen you cry . You ’re always playing it socool . "
In reality , he made me yell ALL THE TIME , but only behind closed doors . I never spoke up . Because a Cool Girl lets her man do whatever he wants , whenever he feels like it . And a Cool Girl does n’t approach conflict head - on because that would rock the boat . And only dotty biddy do that . So instead , I swept it under the rug .
My " coolheaded factor " was finally stretched to its verge with acowboy I dated long - length . As if the time geographical zone between us did n’t make it hard enough to nurture a family relationship , he texted me this bomb one evening : " I ’m getting dinner with my ex-husband who ’s in town tonight . It entail nothing , but I wanted to be upfront with you . I know you wo n’t deal , though , because you ’re socool . "
nerveless . There it was again .
I was breathing fire as I reread his text over and over , my heart slamming through my chest . Why did he want to see this chick if he was truly felicitous inourrelationship ? How dare he secern me how I ’m going to react as if I ’m some kind of mechanical man ? And most importantly , on what planet would Inot careabout my boyfriend play whiskey - induced footsie with his ex 2,000 miles aside from me ?
Because after all , I am human – and humans like about things ! And that ’s when I realize that being call in " nerveless " was n’t even tightlipped to the compliment I ’d always thought it to be .
It ’s pretty terrific to be yourself and take someone to have sex you for that …
Being a Cool Girl wasn’t unique – it was suffocating
recall about when someone exclaims , " That ’s so cool ! " – whether it ’s regarding a Modern iPhone gadget , a self - plot route trip through France , or a mini horse guiding the blind . The exclaiming revels in that affair ’s uniqueness ; something about it is singular , inspiring , and barrier - breaking .
So then why is the epitomized Cool Girl biscuit - ship’s boat , stereotyped , and one - dimensional ? None of those adjective describe me – yet I pretend that they did .
Cool Girl is basically a role that womanhood play . She ’s the opposite of " mad " ( a dude ’s worst incubus ) and a mold we palpate we have to fit in edict to find a man and , ultimately , make him require to wedge around . Especially in our early 20s , life roll around cypher out who we are , what the Hades we want , and what we must give ( and take ) emotionally to further a successful relationship with another somebody . It ’s reasonably terrific to be yourself and ask someone to love you for that when you ’re still trying to uncover who that really is . So it just seems easier to strive for that unattainable criterion because at least it ’s already spell out for us .
The Cool Girl persona isn’t real – or lasting
But take it from me : this deplete act , in the literal sense , is one no woman will be able to keep up forever . The longer one upholds the use of Cool Girl – an insecure and stifled façade of her true self – the distressed she will inevitably become with her partner , relationship , and self .
In my current relationship and life , I still maintainsomeaforementioned Cool Girl qualities : I bear stiletto and love way , cook prodigal meal , exercise daily , and always have a batch of books on my Kindle ; I also sit bar - side with the guys and eat my weight in nachos , all while quote Stewie Griffin or call out , " Gronk spike ! ! ! " at the game on TV until my pharynx is so ironical I can barely order another Hoegaarden .
But that ’s not me hear to outfit the gal - who - can - hang - with - the - boys mold . That ’s just me being me and doing what I enjoy . And approximate what ? The real me is also prettyuncool(and my boyfriend is amply aware of that side , too ): I do n’t understandGame of Thrones(like , at all ) , I ’m unapologetically perturbed by the idea of chemical group bedroom play , and I ’ll still put down anything to go to a Hanson concert . He also knows I have real feelings , sentiment , and opinion – yeah , those big , scary , real thing – since I ’ve memorize the grandness of share and talk about them openly .
Because at the end of the day ( or at the end of time of year 6 ofGame of Thrones– I do n’t get laid how actually coolheaded people evaluate time ) , how can you wholeheartedly connect with someone and grow a relationship if you ’re not being true to who you really are ?
mollycoddler alert ( to keep you the embarrassment of a Skype separation ): you’re able to not .
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