It is a truth universally acknowledged that a individual valet in possession of a record on the tube must be flex and harbour a secret desire to come out on@hotdudesreading . manifestly this does n’t admit you . And obviously you ’ve never pivoted 15 degrees to the left in the hopes that the lady with then+1tote purse will take musical note of the universally acclaimed work of literary fiction you ’re hazard to underline . For those who do , however , importune on letting ego and pageantry sully their individual opportunity to access another ’s mind , here ’s what that hypothetical subway - rider should shy aside from , lest that purely hypothetical ( doubtlessly study ) commuter train front like a hack . Once again , definitely not you .
To increase your opportunity of appearing on@hotdudesreadingand not@guyinyourmfa , retard out which authors to leave on your mahogany bookshelf , and which ones you should read at heart level to see everyone takes note .
David Foster Wallace
say David Foster Wallace on the subway is a spot like blasting Bob Marley from your dorm way window . There ’s nothing wrong with either of them . In fact , they ’re both Great artist ™ . But most people probably did n’t desire to get in high spirits with the guy who sharply made sure that everyone in the student residence thought he was a stoner . Same principal here . Also , a movie about him add up out in the last twelvemonth , so everyone ’s go to assume that that ’s how you bang him , and frankly , that would be intolerable , so better to just steer clear .
Who to read alternatively : Ben Lerner has picked up where Wallace left off – i.e. , trying to figure out what we ’re supposed to do with all this irony replete up our fondness - position – and represents an even trendier alternative to the now - canonized Patron Saint of Neurotics . In10:04 , Lerner find a way to make metafiction ( the thinking man ’s … the man ’s man ’s … man ’s genre ) seem like it could serve a map beyond validating unsafe liberal - arts alum . Plus , the protagonist lives in Brooklyn , just like you !
Jonathan Franzen
Ol' Franzen gets a high-risk strike , the legitimacy of which is irrelevant considering his plaudit , fame , and riches comfort him when we say mean thing about him . So here ’s the thing , a whole lot of the book - reading population does not excavate the man – and more significantly , what he represents to them . There ’s a whole set of assumptions that amount with a Brooklyn - domiciliate whitened man with literary largeness and methamphetamine declaring those pretensions , moderate a book by the poster child ( bill poster crotchety old piece ? ) of that phenomenon .
Who to read instead : Why not take Franzenat his wordand at long last read Alice Munro ? She recently pull ahead the Nobel Prize , and , in Franzen ’s word , " has a strong call to being the best fiction writer now work in North America . " Let ’s also note that she ’s essentially Tolstoy and Chekhov fuse into a mild - mannered Canadian , AND that you wo n’t be another unseasoned white male asshole reading a more or less older white manful arse . Above all , at the end of your straining journey , as you settle down for the nighttime with your crank of locally bring forth fish Milk River dressed ore or whatever it is we tope now , you may find like you ’re Part of the Solution !
J. D. Salinger
We get it : you used CliffsNotes whenCatcher in the Ryewas assigned to you at the pinnace ( and ripe for Salingerization ) age of 14 . You ’re feel guilty , and you opine , " Hey , why not ? " Well , have some goddamn self - respect and interpret him in your apartment if you have to , because you might as well be wear down a " Holden Caulfield call back you ’re a phoney " T - shirt , is why not .
Who to read or else : Franny and Zooeyreally is a good ledger . But we do n’t make the rule . Have n’t you been entail to to read Sylvia Plath’sThe Bell Jaranyway ? We ’ll have a book club ; it ’ll be great .
E. L. James
Ah yes , that other first - two - name - are - initials literary great . If you ’re read the fourth Christian Bible in this series ( made up of Mr. Grey ’s diary entries , in which he muse on what a gross misrepresentation of the S&M lifestyle his actions and attitudes are , presumably ) you are no longer make part in a papa - civilisation phenomenon ; you are reading pornography on the subway . Near a clustering of strangers . Who are n’t doing that . Would you watch porn on the subway ?
Who to scan instead : If you do insist on reading smut fungus , at least do it in style with Anne Desclos ' ( as Pauline Réage)Story of O , Marquis de Sade’sThe 120 day of Sodom , or Leopold von Sacher - Masoch’sVenus in Furs . The first is a narration of S&M write in elegant prose , rather than what seems to be the journal of the world ’s most promiscuous glue - huffing preteenager . The latter two are where we get our words for sadism & masochism , which you may mansplain to whomever you catch star at the title , as they wonder why you feel the need to say any of this in world . Because you ’re a goddamn student , that ’s why .
H. P. Lovecraft
True Detectiveturned you on to him . You like supernatural material . This seems fancier than Stephen King . scram it . But let ’s keep these things in mind : the dude was super , super racialist , and the dude was not even a particularly good author . So let ’s all agree to call him H. P. Hatescraft and spend our commute in near way .
Who to read instead : ReadToni Morrison’sBeloved . The book has supernatural elements so you’re able to get your flighty - fix in , and it was vote the best book of the last 25 years by theNew York Timesin 2006 . Just be a real American and read the blamed book .
Friedrich Nietzsche
We probably do n’t infer you well enough to annotate on this . in all likelihood no one ever has . in all likelihood no one ever will . Probably you ’re togged up in all black ( like Prince Hamlet , no doubt ) . You ’re not get any acquaintance here .
Who to read instead : Why not read Milan Kundera ? His books are still In Translation . The Book of Laughter and Forgettingis one of Louis C.K. ’s preferred books , and we have intercourse how much you love him . But in earnest , Kundera ’s workplace explores and extends Nietzsche ’s ideas in run , beautiful , and novel direction , as opposed to those other the great unwashed who were influenced by him and , you know , headed fascist regimes . Ubermensch , indeed .
Pick-up artists/Tucker Max
You have to be a circa-2008 fratboy send off to the future tense in the Hot Tub Time Machine for this to make any sense . Also you ’re probably just bad . Just a bad man . Shame …
Who to read or else : If you want sexually expressed detail , a study of masculinity , and misogyny mask as literature , take a goddamn Philip Roth novel .
Any young adult writer if you’re over the age of 17
There has admittedly been some pushback against this attitude in the last couple eld , but how many books do you have time to say in your life ? You desire your parents to realise that you ’re an grownup now anyway , so why not take exception yourself intellectually and emotionally and experience something that was n’t made for the population who listened to the former , not - socially - satisfactory - to - enjoy personification of Justin Bieber .
Who to study instead : Do you like plot of land ? Intrigue ? orphan ? Young masses unwrap themselves ? Romance ? ( JK , you do n’t waste time on material like that – where the priapic whale at ! ? ) Why not translate a nineteenth - 100 source ? Many YA tropes were establish in those books , and they were supported by beyond - third - grade - level sentence social system , philosophic saturation , and moral seriousness . Some might argue that all of these are present in some of the right contemporaneous YA novel . Fine … but do you get to travel back in time ! ? If I allege you could spend 10 hours in the mind of your great - great granny and recognize her daily preoccupation , her aspirations , and her struggles , you ’d do it , correct ? And what if your grandma were a genius , too ? Well , take hold of a written matter of Charlotte Brontë’sJane Eyreand hop on into this raging TUB TIME simple machine OF THE SOUL !
Any writer with a movie adaptation in theaters
This also applies to books with the flick placard on the covering . Here ’s the deal : flick are for the masses , for people who do n’t maximise the productivity of their day-to-day commute with the corking achievements of the Humanist tradition , because frankly they ’re not as sassy , ambitious , or as open - minded as you are . And how are any of the people on the train supposed to recognize that about you if they know that you go to pic theaters that have over 50 seats in them ?
Who to record alternatively : Read some leger that were save before moving-picture show were invented – better yet , before picture taking – or even ripe , before the leaf-book ! Let ’s go back to the oral tradition . Homer’sThe IliadandThe Odysseyare basically activity motion-picture show with really adept dialog ( Homer = proto Quentin Tarantino ? ) , so just pick up one of those ancient epics , preferably in the original Greek . You picked up Greek on the side while you took Latin in high school , did n’t you ?
Literally any self-help author
It ’s likeeating on the tube . Sure , you could do it , but people will look at you funny , will refuse to make oculus contact with you , and when unable to sleep afterwards that night will opine of how selfish it was of you to impose seeing that upon them .
Who to understand instead : Why not translate Robert Burton’sThe Anatomy of Melancholy , What it is : With all the Kinds , Causes , Symptomes , Prognostickes , and Several Cures of it . In Three Maine Partitions with their several segment , Members , and Subsections . Philosophically , Medicinally , Historically , spread out and Cut Up ? Published in 1621 , this book is full of untranslated quotations from all sorts of people you ’ve never heard of . It ’s an thoroughgoing history and historiography of why you sense so small deeply down inside . Upon flipping through the copy in the Thrillist office staff , it seems he left out the section dealing with the melancholy of not have our fellow passengers think we ’re smarter than them , but there might be a passage in there that explains why we manage at all .
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Cole Saladino/Thrillist
James Chrisman is exactly the guy you cerebrate he is after reading this article . He is also a written matter editor at Thrillist , and this is an selection from his diary.@james_chrisman2
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Cole Saladino/thrillist
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
