Travis Pastranais one of the world ’s greatest extreme jock . He ’s also one of the world ’s worst vindaloo eaters . Travis not - really - fondly tell for us the taradiddle of his trip-up to England for a beach - found motocross race that got a piffling , um , soiled by a dinner , a daring , and more five - alarum vindaloo sauce than an entire restaurant should use up in a week . Here is his tale .
“ So it ’s me , Kenny Bartram , Andy Bell , Guy from theNitro Circuscrew , and we ’re doing this event called the Weston Beach Race , a three - minute race right on the beach in England . Water comes up , bike get go down , and it goes from the easiest rail ever to everyone being stuck and miserable . There ’s a four - wheel horse wash one twenty-four hours and the big bike race the next .
“ We got there three twenty-four hour period ahead of clock time , and the first night we were there , we went to an authentic English curry place . They had some stuff that was all ‘ word of advice : ca n’t sell to foreigner ’ – the precise affair that nominate every alien want to be like , ‘ I acquire this , no trouble . ’ So the guys corrupt the server to give me essentially a half gallon of this ‘ five dismay ’ duck’s egg vindaloo , and they ’re gon na bear me 100 pound to drink it . I ’m like , ‘ shit , that ’s like $ 200 , how bad can it be ? ’ peradventure my mouth will be sunburn for a while , but whatever . It ’s ok . And taste does n’t really matter to me – I ’ve had enough concussion that I ’ve lost a lot of that . Literally I ca n’t try out anything . swallow eggs as jape , whatever – I never had a job with any of that . And I always take a bet .
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
“ So we all touched it to our digit and put it on our tongue , it was like ‘ holy crap , this is red-hot , I got ta get this down nimble . ’ So I pledge the entire half gallon of sauce in one serving . Took me about five proceedings to get it all down .
“ So at this stop in my life story , I did n’t drink or anything . I did n’t even jazz what drunk was , but I was it . It was like taking 50 shots of tequila , only with a much worse response . Before I jazz it , the room is spinning , I start sweating , my olfactory organ starts running , I go to stand up , and I ca n’t even get to the bathroom to puke . I swag , I stumbled , I fell on my face . So Bell walk me back to the hotel , and I should ’ve thrown everything up right there , but I was too out of it to figure it out . About an 60 minutes later on , I set out take a crap and emesis and the whole bathtub is full of vomit , and the toilet just keep flushing and flush . I was pretty much dry - shitting and dry - disgorgement . I had nothing left in the morning .
“ We were gon na play golf the next day , and Bell comes in , and he catch outside the door , did n’t even start the room access , and he ’s like like , ' Ohhhh my god , what in the worldly concern ? ? ’ I in all likelihood evacuate the intact floor of this hotel . And I was like , ‘ I ca n’t golf game . ’
Bryan Haraway/Getty Images for Michael Waltrip Racing/Getty Images Sport
“ So the day after that it ’s time to wash . It ’s my first ever quad race . Just as a jest , we ’re wearing costumes and stuff . I could n’t even keep Pepto Bismol down at this peak . Literally the only matter I ’m ca-ca is blood line , and I ’m dry heave but nothing ’s coming out . Right before the slipstream set out , I drink in enough of something to puke it back up , and tried to eat something but that did n’t work . And I ’m like , this is just miserable .
“ About an hour into this airstream , I had diarrhoea pants , I had puking in my helmet , and I somehow go second , despite thinking I ’m going to croak .
“ The next day is the Weston Beach raceway , the motorcycle race . On the first circuit , I did n’t have the energy , and I just fall over and got run over . disjointed carpus , completely fucked : it did an entropy where it normally goes straight . And all I recollect was ‘ thank GOD , they ’re gon na put me under for sure . ’
“ So I went flat to the hospital , and they ’re like , yeah , we ’ve get ta do surgery right now , you lost blood supply to your hand . ’ And it was literally the only fourth dimension I was able to sleep for the next two weeks . I terminate up losing about 25lbs , and I retrieve my breadbasket would never be capable to deal any food ever again .
“ Would I do it again ? Even a little bit ? utterly not . There would have to be something threatening the life of my child . If you say we ’re going to take a baseball game squash racket to your back , and it ’s go to break , I ’d say go for it , before I would touch that stuff again .
“ Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to food for thought . I ’ve been sick on huitre , I ’ve had food poisoning , and it ’s all scurvy , do n’t get me wrong – none of it ’s good . But this was far and away the worst experience of my intact life . And it was n’t a Clarence Shepard Day Jr. , or two years – it was a two - and - a - half - workweek experience . It made my broken radiocarpal joint a blessing . They gave me a painkiller IV because I could n’t keep anything down , and if I did n’t break my wrist and get that I might not have outlive . For about five years I could n’t even reek curry : I ’d just have a gag reflex response .
“ And that was my stumble to Europe ! ”
signal up herefor our day-to-day Thrillist email , and get your hole of the best in food / drunkenness / fun .
